Instagram vs Reality +infertility

Let’s talk Instagram vs reality. And then let’s make it awkward and talk about infertility. 

Instagram pic I posted vs what was really happening

I am a firm believer that nothing wrong can ever happen to you on your birthday. It’s like the universe knows it’s your birthday and it bows down to you! So when I was 1 days late for my period I took a pregnancy test the morning of my birthday because hello universe it’s my birthday give me what I want. And it came back negative. I cried. I cried the whole day.

Fast forward to my birthday a year later and I am scheduled for my IUI. Yep an IUI on my birthday because nothing says party like being artificially insemenated 🎉

And now this birthday. 27 years old and I have a baby who turns 4 months today too! But I still remember. I still remember the sting, gut wrenching, heartache that came with each and every negative (and trust me there was a lot). 

Here are some things that helped me with my infertility journey. Now every journey is different and every person is different but this is what helped me 

1. I got in the best shape of my life. If my body couldn’t do what it was genetically designed to do, then I would test other limits and make it the best version it could be 
2. I read miracle stories. I loved reading other people’s infertility journeys and what worked for them 
3. I laughed my head off at peoples comments. I never took people’s ignorant comments to heart. I was SO GOOD at masking my pain and my infertility that I couldn’t blame them when they told me how selfish I was for spending so much time living in the islands instead of starting a family. Meh people are dumb, but it’s way more fun of laugh at those comments than spend anymore time crying on the bathroom floor over them 
4. I got medical assistance. If you’re wondering what your next step should be in your journey and you feel lost ... ask a doctor! Best yet ask a fertility doctor! They can help you so much more than a regular OBGYN and God put modern medicine on this earth for a reason. It didn’t matter how much faith I had.. we needed medical help and that’s totally okay
5. I cried and got mad. It’s okay to cry about infertility. It’s okay to cry every time that test slaps you in the face with a no. I also got mad. Like really mad! And I was mad with God and I let Him know it! I would talk, scream, cry, yell, and pour my soul out to the guy about how frustrated I was with Him. And that’s okay too- He’s there to listen to the good, bad, and ugly.

Now let’s turn the tables. Say someone just confides in you about their infertility.. what do you say? How do you act? Remember how everyone’s different? And every journey is different? I can’t tell you exactly what to say but I think I speak for most of us infertiles when I give this advice 

1. Just say sorry. 99% of the time we just want validation that what we are going through sucks
2. DO NOT give advice or tell us “it’s Gods timing” Trust me we have tried any advice you want to give and I guarantee every couple going through infertility has received revelation from God to try for that baby
3. If you really want to be supportive and I mean you are committed in this journey too- then ask us questions. We like to bi*** about infertility. Ask us about medications, injections, follicles, and everything else you’re curious about. If we confided in you - we are ready to talk about it 

So there it is.. what I did to help me survive my journey and some ideas of what to say to people when they let you know about their infertility journey. And if you’re out there struggling in silence like I was and you just need someone to listen or you want to know ANYTHING about treatments, doctors, or the works. Let’s talk. Nobody should suffer in silence.